Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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