I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
