So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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