Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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