so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
