apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
