dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
