come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
