we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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