Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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