I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize