I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
