If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I want a musical about memes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
