You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
