How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
