There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
