Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize