Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
