Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
