Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
where am i from again
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
