Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I smell stomach acid.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
