That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize