This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
