All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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