For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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