i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
