I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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