Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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