even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
