the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
