sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
