How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
