Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
