I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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