All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
