i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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