His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it hurts more in the daytime
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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