Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
