walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
