....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
