wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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