i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize