btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize