The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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