His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Boobs are out for the taking
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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