arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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