So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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