porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
