he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
