Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
