Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
