I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
