I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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