How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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