i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize