My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
