Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
