My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
