I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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