I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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