i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
