i wish my penis had a tongue
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
