i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
