thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
