People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
