i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
