so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
